Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a Pail of Water,
With throwing caution to the Wind,
Their are lumbered with a daughter.
Now Old King Coal of jockular fame,
Announced a Wedding to cease all Shame:
'Begin at once the reading of the Banns;
And Old MacDonald will be best man.
So the Wedding was set for the first of May,
And Little Boy Blue will give the Bride away.
Soon word did spread throughout the land,
An expensive Wedding was being planned;
With every seat the Cathedral must fill;
And 'Muggins' the Tax-Payer will foot the Bill.
For Celebratory fires much Wood was in need;
But the disappearance of Pinocchio is a Mystery indeed.
And so it was and forever thus,
The grovelling Media made quite a fuss;
Their faces were printed on crockery and Mugs,
Wallpaper, duvets, Lampshades and Rugs.
But on Toilet Tissue is to much an obsession;
It's just Scraping the Barrel if you pardon the expression.
While the Court made ready for the big event,
With Invitations now being sent;
Rapunzel it's said to the Stylists did Run;
And took Seven days to put her Hair in a Bun.
And Little Bo Peep was hard to track;
For losing much Sheep she was given the sack.
Cinderella will attend, Glass Slippers and all;
With her Wife Miss Muffet who she met at the Ball.
Goldilocks has announced that she'll be there;
Fresh from her 'Scandal' with Father Bear.
The Seven dwarfs and Snow White too;
And that 'Frisky' old woman that lives in a Shoe.
But with every smooth plan there is a glitch;
The Three little Pigs were suddenly Rich;
With their Home Insurance paying out;
There was simply no sign of their whereabouts.
Giant Killer Jack considered it proper;
To present to the Bride his magnificent Chopper;
But the noun gave confusion to the Footmen and more;
And Poor old Jack was refused at the door.
Now that Wicked old Witch from the land of Oz;
Will not appear for there is a Clause;
That her Studio says she must comply;
So to another Tale she cannot fly.
The Catering Staff were assembled soon;
Minus the Dish that ran off with the spoons;
And Georgie Porgy wouldn't suit;
From the complaints of the girls he was given the Boot.
So all in all the Wedding went well;
A spread in ' Hello' so it probably should sell.
And they lived I'm told an Idyllic life;
Nextdoor to the Woman with the Carving Knife.
But a Blott on the Horizon and simply it's this;
An incident that happened to spoil any bliss;
The Authorities turned up and bid them to stop;
To Rocking their Baby on a Tree Top.
-
Author:
Kevin Hulme (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: August 20th, 2025 19:23
- Comment from author about the poem: And so to bed.
- Category: Humor
- Views: 8
- Users favorite of this poem: Cheeky Missy, Doggerel Dave
Offline)
Comments4
You have covered pretty well the fairy tales and nursery rhymes in this poem. A fun read
And never mentioned the Peephole in Snow Whites cottage. Thank you for Reading.
You are certainly welcome
Dang, man!!! You're too good. I love, love, LOVE this! Made me laugh too loudly and kept me every single line, it's too good! I want an illustrated copy, pretty please? Gorgeously rendered with exceptional imagery and a waltzing poignancy. Thank you so very, very much for sharing.
Illustrated Copy? Not sure how to do such a thing. A bit beyond me. But I'm happy you liked it. Thank you.
My kind of poetry only more so - to throw one or two of these every so often would lighten the spirit. Thanks muchly.
Thank you. Anyone remember 'The Singing Ringing Tree' ? That was weird.
Not a case of 'remember' - I like to stay with the original Grimm texts ( in sensitive translation of course). Can't cope with this new fangled moving picture stuff - it's an assault on my imagination.
Blimey Mate you crammed so much of my yoof in there its hard to comment on just bits .. Therefore I'm gonna be breef .. & paraphrase the late Bernard Mathews and just say Bootiful .. Neville
Thank you for Reading. Glad you enjoyed it.
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