oh the woes of moving on

it's weird

to see myself in the mirror

scars of a past life, and marks of a new

to contemplate every little nook and cranny,

and how it's a result of millions upon millions of years of biology

coming down to every single milimeter of flesh

and how it was just for you to view

it's weird

to think about how it was your hands touching my skin

your lips touching every tiny freckle

every ugly scar and lesion

every bloody vessel and vein down to the very molecules that make me who i am

until there wasn't an inch of skin you hadn't explored

its weird

to realize you can't anymore

to hear your name and not feel that fluttering in my stomach

the butterflies hungry and unforgiving, aching to love you again

to see your face and speak of you and remember you

but not have that same lovestruck look in my eyes i've always had

only because of you

it's freeing

being able to reinvent myself and be apart from you

to have other hands touching my flesh that aren't yours

because yours were cold and rough

and these hands are everything you are not

because they are calm and understanding

they do not growl or bite

they are patient and loving, and they do not care for the scars of my past life

it's calming

because you never allowed me to move on

always held me down with those hands that were once warm

never let me fly from the nest

and discover the world outside your arms

and maybe i still love you

i know i do

but i have to move on

and do better than you.