The Answer Machine

Paul Bell

Please leave your message after the tone, though I’ll probably never get back to you.

 

Paul-Phil here, can you drive a car with three wheels.

Paul-Sheryl, I’m leaving you for a Canadian lumberjack, don’t try and talk me out of it.

Paul-Micky here, that bird Tasman you hooked me up with, she wants to try the Buddha position, what the hell is it.

Paul-Phil, I’ve been arrested,fecking fifty quid in the licence, you dickhead.

Paul-Sheryl, you would just let me go off with a Lumberjack, you bastard.

Mr Bell, do you know you’re entitled to five thousand pounds for that accident you had three years ago. Phone us.

Paul-Linda here, I’ve left Tony, can I crash at yours for a few days.

Paul,-Nurse Jackie here at the Psychiatric hospital, just an update from the doctor, he’s still in two minds.

Paul,- Phil here, can you come and bail me out.

Paul--Sheryl, I’ve dumped the Lumberjack, going out with Hans now, my soul mate.

Paul-Tracy down at the STD clinic, your tests are clear, and no, I don’t want to celebrate with you.

Paul-Micky, that Tamsin's a guy, what the hell is wrong with you.

Paul-Phil, are you coming or what.

Paul-Linda, We’re going to give it another go.

Paul, -Sheryl here, I’m giving you one more chance, I could have my pick of guys, why the hell I picked you god only knows, I’m coming round now.

Paul-This is the sunshine holiday retreat company, your immediate sabbatical is now ready when you are.

Paul, nurse Jackie here at the Psychiatric hospital, is the doctor at yours.

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Comments +

Comments3

  • sorenbarrett

    So unique yet so familiar it strikes both chords at once. The social demands that now we have no privacy from. A lovely write and a fave

    • Paul Bell

      Yes, privacy left a long time ago.

    • Doggerel Dave

      Not all the messages on my phone are like that.........
      Now back in the day carrier pigeons took some of the urgency and immediacy from the more compromising ones....

      • Paul Bell

        There's no escape now.

        • Doggerel Dave

          Too right.....

        • Tristan Robert Lange

          Paul, this is hilarious…the chaos of messages stacks up until it’s absurd and brilliant. 🌹🖤🙏



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