She Used to be My Quiet

she used to be my quiet
 the space between my heartbeats
 the reason i could breathe without thinking
everything i did
 every move every word
 it was always for her
 or to her
 or because of her

now she’s gone
 and the air doesn’t fit right in my lungs anymore
people talk and laugh around me
 but my body doesn’t know how to rest with them
 it only ever learned her rhythm
she was my safe place
 and now every room feels like a threat

i try to be okay
 i try to keep up
but i’m so tired
 so goddamn tired
my chest hums with this dull ache
 and i can’t tell if i’m sad or just numb

sometimes i catch myself
 reaching for her name
 like it’s still supposed to save me
but all it does now
 is remind me of the girl
 who taught my body peace
 and then took it with her when she left