Dear Santa
I’m writing early this year
Especially after the debacle of last year
You delivered the sexy underwear and the two-day hotel break to my wife
What the hell were you thinking
Does my wife look like she can get into a size ten
You useless fat bastard
Two days I had to suffer the wife parading herself
It was psychological torture
Swear to god, if I could’ve got my hands on you
Still swithering on suing your fat ass
This year I’m going to lay it on the line
Deliver it to the wrong address
Your Ho ho ho, will be, Oh oh oh
Do I make myself clear
Now listen up
Face pack and support tights
They go to the wife
Basque and French knickers, hotel included
To the lover
Don’t make me go back to that hotel with the wife
Or, I swear, you’ll be wearing those reindeer
Do you need a reminder
Have you got it now
Oh, and merry Christmas.
-
Author:
Paul Bell (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: December 2nd, 2025 04:29
- Category: Humor
- Views: 13
- Users favorite of this poem: sorenbarrett, Friendship, Tristan Robert Lange
Offline)
Comments6
My feelings about Christmas exactly Paul and a fave
My wallet feels the same.
Well said, enjoy your humor.🤣 Your poem "Dear Santa" revolves around the humorous and frustrated tone of a husband expressing his dissatisfaction with Santa Claus for a poorly considered gift. This letter illustrates the complexities of relationships, expectations, and miscommunication through the lens of holiday gift-giving.
Buying for women is always a nightmare and should come with a health warning.
We live in an era of mismatched socks and so much more 🤣🙏🏻🕊️
Why do people think you need socks, gloves, hankies.
That's telling him! That'll teach him not to come down the chimney and fill our lounges with soot. It's why I hate Christmas morning - gotta spend it every year cleaning up the lounge cos some fat beardy bloke in welly boots and red costume descended down it! heehee.
You would think by now he would get a makeover.
Paul, this one had me laughing…the sheer chaos of this “letter” and the way the voice barrels forward without a filter is classic you. Dark humor done right. 🌹🖤🙏🕯️🐦⬛
He needs to get the basics right, even if it is his sister.
I mean. Yeah! Exactly!
Great fun write Paul. Oh and Merry Christmas.
Andy
Think he'll be on the ball this year.
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