The Wall Calleth

I saw the wall

The one that separated the cars

moving in opposite directions at speed

But without real purposeful direction

I was spiraling in my thoughts

And worrying and ruminating and encircling my brain

With the same darkness that I have been holding

Carrying the same worry I have since the beginning

The same fears

The confusion of connections with others

And what it means

The jealousy I have not released

The quotes and actions and things said so long ago that

Burn in my mind

Imprinted in my body

Morphing my thoughts again, and again, and again

And then

The wall called to me

It was passing by fast

A blur of concrete and trashy debris on the road

Sinister and dark, it called my name, like the ocean used to

“I have the solution! 

Drive into me

It’ll be over quickly!

Yank the wheel gradually

Pull it to the left and angle to the wall

Don’t pull too hard or you’ll flip and might survive

Check your mirror for blockers of your path

Push the petal just a little more, gradually, but with purpose

Increase the speed to seal your fate

and then yell ‘yippie kaiyea! as you near your fate”

I continued my spiral down, down, down to the end

Twisting and contorting while my heart rate increased

Sweat beaded on my forehead

Pupils dilated and focused on a spot up there, ahead, waiting for me

X marks the spot!

The speed of my truck responded to my heavy foot

And heart

Mind thoughts raced with it now

I got this

I won’t have to worry any longer

Then, my sons name popped in my head and

I pulled out of it with a startled look of confusion

Showing in my rear view mirror

As the flood streaming down my face spoke more than words could

It gained momentum and left my eyeballs

I cried silently as water chased gravity to my chin

I didn’t check the mirrors

I let off the gas, gradually

And just like that, Stick Figure came back into ear focus

Words left my mouth and I sang to them

My inflections and pitch matching the song words

“Once in a lifetime” was the song

I recalled the lyrics, “Keep Going” in the song Laterus by Tool taught me

And so I will keep going

I’ll be the sherpa for my mind and heart

And carry them up to the peak

Barefoot if I have to

I had salty stains on my shirt when I got home