rise

when the day
softens into night
i soften my fight
dim the lights
half midnight
arctic monkeys spinning on the player
rainbow strip lights
a christmas jumper in december
and an open box of chocolates from my brother

life is cruel
loud, suffocating
there are bruises on my shoulders
from traumas not ready to let go

but here
i let go

i am wearing odd socks
and my hair is washed
sitting in my favourite spot
with a smile
i know i am getting better

i used to try and confine
the worst parts of my mind
bound and gagged
dragged myself out of their grasp
the time for such conflict
has long passed

now, i smile at them
head tilted in consideration
bad things are good
in moderation
and i am moderating

this time
i will shake the earth
to its core
i am sure
i will live up to those who came before
pull my own glittering glove
over my fingers
and dance

i will leave the world
utterly entranced
i will leave words
flying off the page
in a torment of determined rage
i will break the stage 

and when day becomes night
i return to my cave
i tend to my brain
life has always felt slightly insane
but so am i

this insanity
is channeling my rise
and i do not forget
when it is time to close my eyes

i am resting
so i can rise.

12:40am - 30/12/25