A Page

On this page lies a door 

The illusions fade away

A guilt consumes me

I coundnt confuse it with a lid opening slightly 

Letting a mild amount in 

It hits me like a train with no breaks and no other course 

I shouldve lived with her 

I shouldve been able to invite her to my wedding 

She shouldve stayed even if just for a moment longer 

She shouldve been here showing me all i didnt know how to do 

All im still unsure about 

All that she knew and i still dont 

She shouldve stayed for just a moment longer 

Just to see her sitting next to me 

Downing food 

Like it was her last meal

Until finally it was  

who am i trying to impress now 

Makeup caked on my face 

I don’t know if it fun anymore or if 

Its a mask 

A mask to hide all the imperfections 

All the insecurities 

All the guilt 

All the parts of me that arent “pretty”

All the parts of me that arent up to standard or who i should and should be 

I know her guardian angel tried 

But she was too deep to listen 

In the end every conversation ended in rhetorical answers 

Maybe she would still be here if maybe just maybe 

The judge had sentenced her 

The council had wanted it too for her 

I would be able to have one more day with her 

In summary i want what i can no longer have and will never have again 

I want a future that is impossible