If you can keep your Head when all around are losing theirs;
Then you've never dabbled on the Stocks and Shares.
If you can watch 'Little House on the Prairie' and not shed a tear,
Given Mike Tyson a Wedgie and not shown any fear.
If you can refuse silly Sandals Ben Gunn wouldn't wear,
Your hair in a Bun to drive a Psychiatrist spare.
If you can ask in a Library with no fear of derision;
For the 'Karma Sutra' - The Pop - Up edition.
If you can walk through a Prison while Singing 'Born Free',
Dress like Ronald Macdonald at a Funeral of three.
If you can listen to One Song by Leonard Cohan or four;
And not jump out a Window from the 16th floor.
If you can walk down the Street and not Stare at your phone,
Cheer -on the Baddies in the film 'Home Alone'.
Ask the Lady in a Bakery to 'Show me your Buns',
Sneak out of the Church when the 'Collections' begun.
Place into a Letter Box a Cucumber of Size;
And shout 'Its the Hulk'! and give them a Suprise.
Stand near to a Care Home on a Wild Windy Night;
Dressed like the Grim Reaper complete with a Scythe.
If you can endure the Shouts from some terrible Wag;
That you must have a hole the old Marble Bag:
Then yours is the Earth and everything in it-
And with the state of the Earth your welcome to it.
-
Author:
Kevin Hulme (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: May 31st, 2026 18:37
- Comment from author about the poem: Thought for Today: Always hold your Watch up to a Mirror. For we all need Time to Reflect.
- Category: Humor
- Views: 6
- Users favorite of this poem: Tristan Robert Lange
Offline)
Comments4
With all due respect to Sir Rudyard Kipling this one made me smile and yes I have done some of these before you ask a few I would like to do and there are two or three I would never dream of doing.
Thank you. And for Reading this.
You are most welcome Kevin
Nicely done
Thank you for Reading. Appreciate it.
IF! What an excellent reflection 🕊️🙏
Thank you. 👍
Welcome. 👍🏻
Kevin, this gave me a good laugh. The further it goes, the more gloriously unhinged it becomes...and the fact that it never once pretends otherwise is what makes it work. I found myself wondering what absurdity was coming next, and you never disappointed. Great fun, my friend. 🌹🖤🙏🕯️🐦⬛
Happy to be of Service. Glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for Reading and Commenting.
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