The Supermarket Fiasco

The doors are open so off we go

on the Supermarket race we all should know

you have seen it all before of that I am sure

feet barely have time to hit the floor

All lined up outside the store

the Trolleys stand waiting to help some more

desperate shoppers for bargains await

whose whole idea is must not be late

To get inside grab a trolley and run

just like someone fires a starting gun

up past the newspapers past the fruit and veg

always in a hurry, just to spend their wedge

The money their holding, along with a bag

just like a burglar, something for the swag

upon the meat counter a fracas breaks out

the last bit of beef grabbed by some lout

That’s mine shouts a lady who’s big and rotund

unbeknown to her she’s about to get bunned

hard rolls and soft rolls are winging her way

all just, like kids out to play

Cream Horns, Doughnuts and a Custard Tart

everything available plays a part

someone calls security now there will be trouble

out someone will go now at the double

All right, he cries who started this free for all

he being large about six feet four

but no one took any notice, off flashed his hat

someone just whacked it with a kid’s cricket bat

The unruly behavior carried on around the store

no one would leave they just came back for more

Trolleys clanging just like the Dodgems at work

a Policeman arrived and someone called him a berk

That’s enough of that he sternly replied

as straight through the air a large mince pie flied

hitting the policeman square in the face

all down his uniform, he looked a disgrace

People were queuing just to see the fun

shopping’s a goner, there’s none being done

fisticuffs’ ensued around the frozen peas

where some old granny had been knocked to her knees

Swung round with her handbag

hit the stores managers crotch

creased up in pain

he said ta very much

Suddenly trolleys came from every which way its true

everyone anxious to see what they could do

to help the old lady who was by now spitting mad

but it was beginning to be the best day I ever had

Women on the tills stood up to look at the view

cheering on the miscreants of this hullabaloo

suddenly a beer can come whistling through the air

landed in the lap of the old lady in a chair

Oh, thanks she said loudly taking a swig

the Policeman said keep her off that she’ll be doing a jig

Shampoo and Soap Powder now littered the isles

two young kids nearby were both full of smiles

They had been having the time of their lives all alone

had now covered half the store with a blanket of foam

everyone slipping and sliding, oh what a sight

and then came some water, not very bright

Three Chickens from the meat counter came sailing by

along with some chops and a big Apple Pie

Cream puffs and Pancakes now littered the isle

the two children just looked and laughed for a while

In the meantime, two robbers were raiding the till

holding out a bag for the cashier to fill

the Security guard saw the whole thing

ran from the side isle and brought them down with a fall

During the melee, a shotgun went off loud

then a big beefy matelot came out of the crowd

felled both villains with a punch to the chin

up rolled the police with a van to put them in

The fire alarm now blasted so we all went out

and the stores now empty was the next shout

with the fire brigade, now on the scene

who cleared up all the water with their nice new machine

The moping and brushing took all night long

with the cleaners were now having a dance and a song

so when you next go to the supermarket remember this tale

and maybe remember to take a boat and a sail