You’re probably wondering why I’m phoning you.
It’s a hello call.
Not exactly.
You’re having a lesbian baby.
No, but I am single again.
Don’t tell me you dumped that man, woman.
Mary was the love of my life.
She was a brute; she would give Tarzan a run for his money.
Never mind that, do you remember when I was finding myself?
Remember it well: I was entering; you said, I think I’m a lesbian.
I know it was bad timing, but you taught me a lot.
So I did. My CV now reads, think you’re straight, I’ll change that.
How would you like to do it again?
Okay, you’re beginning to worry me now.
No, I realise you can turn people; you have a gift.
What do you want to turn into?
I want to be a straight lesbian, sort of.
I would love to help, but I’m in a relationship.
That’s okay; I can wait a week or two.
That’s quite funny; see, only lesbians could make jokes like that.
I know, I think you can re-lesbianise me.
Are you on drugs or something?
No, I liked being in bed with you; you never did anything for me, but I appreciated the effort.
Gee thanks. I’ll update my CV. Think you're straight? I’ll change that; you’ll be a lesbian tomorrow, with straight tendencies.
See, that’s what I like about you; you’re never bitter. You did say it was a battle to get me into bed; now I’m offering myself on a plate.
I appreciate that, but how does this make you a reborn lesbian?
That’s simple: I won't enjoy it with you; then I’ll realise what I’m missing.
Do you mean you’ll fake it?
Yes, but you won’t know.
I won’t.
No, I’ll dress provocatively and make all the usual noises.
I knew this would happen someday; the Twilight Zone would come along and take me away to a place where fairies would serenade me with tea and biscuits. Okay, just realised, that's an old folks home.
Okay, girl, let’s get faking.
-
Author:
Paul Bell (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: July 3rd, 2026 07:27
- Category: Humor
- Views: 10
- Users favorite of this poem: Teddy.15, Tristan Robert Lange
Offline)
Comments3
Not sure why you are such a rebel of political correctness 🤣 I can see the fairies the tea and all. I'm phoning you a doctor. The heats gone to your head.
To late for the doctor now, he's a she. lol
You made me smile Paul another entertaining read my friend
My job is done.
😊
Paul, what a fun read. The chemistry between the two voices is what really sells it...they're sharp, comfortable with one another, and completely unafraid to lean into the absurd. The humor never feels forced because it grows naturally out of the conversation. Brilliantly done, my friend. 🌹🖤🙏🕯️🐦⬛
They do lead a strange life.
To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.