April is the Cruelest Wife

Kevin Hulme

April is the Cruelest Wife,

Every Avenue of Joy She will turn into Strife.

For Reading a 'Christie' she will tell you quite plain,

The Person who did it,  and drive you insane.

A Night with your friends she'll make you feel small,

By announcing your Preference in the Bedroom and all.

Laughs at your Clothes to make you depressed,

Worzel Gummidge she says is much better dressed.

Once I bought her a Ring that cost me the Earth,

She sold it on eBay at double the worth.

My Deep Purple Collection she said it must go,

Now it's 24/7  Barry Manilow.

Sneak Hot Peppers in your food for a laugh and a Jest,

Then Sweat like a Nun with a Pregnancy Test.

On my day off from work she rang my old Boss,

A most frightful Man who it's dangerous to cross,

With a message from me in a Raging Fit,

That he could take his Crap Job,

And  just where he can  put it.

So - a Holiday for two is what we need,

To fix an Old Marriage that's gone right to seed.

But beginning three Weeks, Costa Brava in Spain,

She ran off with the Waiter, I never saw her again.

For April is the Cruelest Wife,

And I forever regret my choice in this life.

But I'll leave Self Flagellation for another day:

As I'm Courting her young Sister-

The delectable May.

 

Comments +

Comments5

  • sorenbarrett

    Don't forget about June as well. A fun read

  • Kevin Hulme

    Reminds me of 'Calendar Girl' by Neil Sedaka.
    Thank you for Reading.

  • Doggerel Dave

    Just got out the Armed Services in March, did yer? Deserved better. Neva mind, June is going to be your salvation...

    • Kevin Hulme

      'June is bursting out all over' as they say.
      Didn't like January. Two faced.
      Thank you for Reading.

    • arqios

      Such fun personifications here🤩🙏🕊️

      • Kevin Hulme

        Appreciate you reading it. She also attended the King Alfred School of Catering. The final straw. 🍴

      • Tristan Robert Lange

        Kevin, what a fun read! The relentless stream of comic disasters kept me grinning throughout, and you balanced the absurdity with a rhythm that carried me right to the final reveal. Ending with May after surviving April was the perfect way to bring it all home. Excellent write, my friend. 🌹🖤🙏🕯️🐦‍⬛

        • Kevin Hulme

          Thank you as always. And for the fave. 👍



        To be able to comment and rate this poem, you must be registered. Register here or if you are already registered, login here.