The only thing I know

This is the harshest truth that I live with

She wanted another child that we created 

It is her body so I just smiled in acceptance 

Yet deep down I'm exhausted from existence 

Now I've got an appointment with the doctor 

As life in my brain has become unbearable 

Every day I wake up in the same scenario 

Battling through a world I am accountable for

As the lady I adore washes away from my shore 

With nothing she can do as I sit in my storm 

Fourth child as a silhouette haunting my halls

How can something so beautiful feel so wrong 

A lifetime of scribbles through trauma given and made

With so many demons put to rest in my lane 

Yet the longer the journey the more I must slay 

So I write these words with the energy and frequency to survive another day

Apologies to those I hurt with every breath that I take

Never to be enough or give the amount payable to stay

Each step taken was one that wanted to be brave

The ink remembers what we forgot but never the stage that we played

Painting pictures of the future as the past just fades away.