Persons of Conviction

Tristan Robert Lange


Notice of absence from Tristan Robert Lange
Life is full of seasons. This is a season of transition for me, where I will be moving with my family to a new location. As such, with much logistics to consider, I am doing my best to keep up. Please know if I accidentally don't respond, it is not because I am ghosting or becoming distant. Once things settle after the move, I am sure life will return to some normalcy. In the meantime, and always:

Read 👓, Write ✍️, Rise 🌅, Realize 🤯.

Tristan 🌹🖤🙏🕯️🐦‍⬛
The prosecution has made its case,
The defense countered and rested.
 
Since it has been determined
That corporations are persons,
With certain inalienable rights
Bestowed upon them by God,
 
I hereby decree that they 
Be free in whatever
Religious decisions they make
In honor of their faith
And in the goodness
Of their hearts.
 
Let it also be known,
That they, like every person,
Have the freedom to
 
Exercise their rights,
So long as it does
Not impede or hinder
The freedom of others
To life, liberty,
And the pursuit of
 
Happiness.
 
Therefore,
Being that we the People,
Find you guilty of
Restricting equitable
Human reproductive access
To reproductive health care—

And being we find you guilty
Of discriminatory policies
Against sex and gender,
 
It is our sovereign duty
To decree that 
The Lobby’s Hobby—
 
All 1,001 locations—
 
Are in violation of code 777
And are remanded
 
Without bail,
Immediately,
 
Chance for parole in ten years.
 
Bailiff.
 
© 2026 Tristan Robert Lange. All rights reserved. 
First published on tristanrobertlange.com, August 8, 2026.
 
Tittu
Comments +

Comments5

  • nephilim56 ( Norman Dickson)

    a masterful write and a fav

  • Syd

    Hi Tristan, very clever satire. The big corporations deserve locking up in my opinion. Well thought out and I love the ending.

    - Syd 🍄

    • Tristan Robert Lange

      Thanks, Syd! 😂 I’m right there with you, my friend…perhaps a little time without bail would encourage some corporate soul-searching! Glad the satire and ending delivered. ⚖️🔒🔥🙏

    • sorenbarrett

      It is not just the one corporation but the idea behind this that gets the fave. This idea needs to be extended to AI as well as corporations and a death penalty imposed for any infractions. Nicely written Tristan

      • Tristan Robert Lange

        Thanks so much, Soren! Glad the larger idea came through, my friend…this one company was just the poster child, as it were. And apparently I’m going to need a much bigger courtroom before this is over. 😂 Beyond just AI…include corporate internet. Tech Companies. How many data centers are we to include? 🤣 And were they not all built in the age of a huge freaking hole in the ozone layer? “Save the earth”. And here we are cutting out things like aerosol. 🤷‍♂️🤦‍♂️ Really appreciate the fave as well! ⚖️🔒🔥🙏

        • sorenbarrett

          My pleasure my friend

        • orchidee

          Some people act as if they are not human - Popeye & Co for a start. Why, what do they do?! Erm, WCAT!! lol.

          • Tristan Robert Lange

            Thank you, Orchi! 🤣🤣 Popeye & Co. too?! Good Lord…WCAT must have been conducting investigations behind my back! 😂 Bailiff, bring them in…apparently Persons of Conviction is becoming a glugging class action! Glug! 🤣 ⚖️🔒🔥🙏

          • Doggerel Dave

            The specific detail could have done for me with some extra detail in your comments, although the general tenor of your argument is crystal clear, Tristan and fully endorsed by me with appreciation.
            So where exactly is your country on legal abortion and gender equality?

            • Tristan Robert Lange

              Thanks so much, Dave! The U.S. picture probably needs some context from this side of the pond. 😂 In 2022, our Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, the 1973 decision that had constitutionally protected abortion nationwide. That removed the federal constitutional standard and left states largely free to protect, restrict, or ban abortion themselves. The result is an extraordinary patchwork of laws across the country. Gender equality has substantial legal protections, but remains an ongoing political, legal, and cultural battleground. Appreciate your thoughtful reading and endorsement, my friend! 🌹🖤🙏🕯️🐦‍⬛



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