Home.

the safest place to be was in the dark 

it didn’t judge me, didn’t yell at me

didn’t make me feel as if i was ‘too much’ for having newfound emotions.

i’m human, a new one at that.

what were you expecting from me? immediate maturity? 

i was fresh to the world, but your cruelty rotted me.

ripped my flesh strip by strip, causing me to deteriorate from the inside out.

til i was nothing but a small fraction of a whole person.

all i wanted was love, but love never came. 

all i wanted was comfort, protection. 

but alas, it never came. 

tears streaming down my face.

heart scraping away at my chest trying to break free; head hurting from all the internal screams.

eyes becoming too blurry each passing second.

then, i found you.

my back pressed against your skin, cold. 

but comforting in it’s own way.

you quieted the sounds outside just enough

so i could let your embrace take me.

my solace. 

my new safe haven. 

my new home.

you always existed in every shell i’ve lived in, yet i just used you to store my costumes in. 

but you became so much more than just a place to store my garments- 

you became a place of safety. 

a place of peace. 

a place that i had ever only asked in the shadows of my mind to ever experience.

& you gave it with open arms. 

only problem is- it’s dark…

so dark that i can feel the fear of the unknown creeping in. 

part of me wanted to leave, but i always stayed. 

& you’d let me. 

for as ever long as i needed. 

you held me in that space, with all the clutter, until i decided i was better. 

we interacted quite a bit in that house til i outgrew you. 

i found more places to garnish my cheeks with my brokenness; 

but i never forgot you. 

my solace. 

my safe haven. 

my home.