How I wish I was born the 'Heroic Man',
And travel the globe to foil the odd plan-
Of World Dominion by a Mad Doctor or two;
Then Bloody his nose and Blow-Up his H.Q.
But when fate dealt the cards It was never my lot;
So I ambled along with the life that I got.
No 'Femme Fatale' or 'Russian Spy' to entrap me with all her charm;
My other half is is the Fish Shop girl,
All Tattoos and Wrestlers Arms.
No Aston Martin awaits outside
For the Tables at 'Royal' with Le Chiffre;
For I place my Bet with the Bingo Set,
All Grannies with Shaky False Teeth.
No 'Savile Row' Suits that are elegantly cut,
No Shoes being the finest made;
I am what you see , a pity-ful sight,
An Advert for 'Christian Aid'.
No U.N.C.L.E. Agent or 'Saint' am I
Nor Partner to the divine Mrs Peel;
I've have never travelled to some exotic locale;
Or Punch-Ups to bring Villains to heel.
A life of Intrigue would be my Plan;
All 'Jason King' and 'Danger Man'.
But as it is the Gods did see-
I was never the Man I hoped to be.
-
Author:
Kevin Hulme (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: August 17th, 2026 19:29
- Comment from author about the poem: I've already Published this, but thought I'd give it another Airing. With some amendments.
- Category: Fantasy
- Views: 7
Offline)
Comments3
A lovely write that most all can feel. It is the Walter Mitty in all of us that calls out. Nicely written.
Thank you Sorren. Your Mission: Should you choose to except it : is to take my Thanks for Reading and Comment.
You are welcome does the message self destruct?
No it doesn't Self Destruct. It's Biodegradable.
Good for the Environment. 🌳🌲
Only caught this the once, which is a great relief, as there's only so far down I can go...👍😂
Which is what you said when you arrived in Australia.
Yes we build up quite a Collection over time.
Thank you for Reading.
This is a damn charming send-up of the glamorous spy-hero fantasy, packed with Bond, U.N.C.L.E., and old-school adventure references. The humor works because the speaker finally embraces his wonderfully ordinary life instead of pretending he was ever destined to be James Bond.
Thank you Thomas. And for your Comments.
The next Poem will be Typed in Invisible Ink.
👍
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