Whispers In My Head

My eyes are somber , 

Dead and blank,

My lips are sealed together ,

Not a sound leaves my throat,

As a war wages in my head,

As the voices scream so loud that I turn deaf.

My mind is a terrible place,

With guns and bloodshed,

With demons and ghosts ,

With chains and torture,

I am but a prisoner; in the fields of insanity I venture.

My insides are rotting,

And I am turning blue ,

I am hollow, a shell of a person,

It is eating me alive and all I can do is watch ,

Chained down like a feral animal.

It's like it's invisible to them ,

It goes right past their eyes ,

Right over their head,

I can't make the signs any clearer ,

I am giving obvious evidence to all the things I never said, 

' Obvious evidence ' , but only if you look closely,

If you glance a little longer ,

If you hear what the silence is trying to tell you.

The only thing though,

Is that nobody does notice ,

Nobody knows and nobody will know,

Until I will end up dead ,

In a pool of my own blood.

Fear is deep seated in me ,

It has made itself at home ,

It makes my stomach turn ,

Fear of failure,

Fear of future,

Fear of all that I am,

Fear of all that I'm not ,

Fear of the voices finally winning.

But never once ,

Is it fear of death ,

The thought of death is like the thought of an old friend,

Death doesn't scare me ,

But being alive does,

The thought of being dead brings a sort of respite to me ,

A sense of freedom,

Escapism ,

It's twisted,

And it's what lives inside me.

I think the voices might win ,

I stare too long,

At the pen,

And the compass ,

And the sharpened earring,

And the pills ,

And the buildings ,

I stare too long,

And I jerk my head away ,

A thousand thoughts ,

Yet nothing to say .