I Hate

I hate that I actually allowed myself to believe that there was a chance,

And I knew that this was going to happen from the very first glance.

That this was just going to be another mistake,

And I really don't know how much more of this I can take.

Because here I am once again, wondering why for once I couldn't be right,

And now I am left to pick up the pieces every night.

Months have gone by, and I know they mean nothing to you,

And I should've gone with my gut, and trusted the thoughts that were spiraling in my mind, because I knew they were true. 

That you were just nice, and maybe you were being a good friend,

But I took it all wrong, again.

Now I know things will never be the same,

And I know that I am the only one to blame.

I was stupid, for actually allowing myself to believe that you felt it too,

But you never saw in me, what I saw in you.

My heart is shattered in pieces, and I have to pretend like everything is okay,

And give you a smile when I see you everyday.

That it doesn't bother me, and that maybe I even forgot about it,

But I guess you and I were not a perfect fit.

That excited feeling that I hadn't felt in so long,

Felt so right, but it ended up being wrong.

I thought maybe I ended up there because our paths needed to cross,

But it didn't work out that way, and I am at a loss.

I try to believe that everything happens for a reason,

But my happiness seems to go and go more frequently than the changing of the seasons.

I allow myself to believe that I am happy, but it never lasts,

Because the second I say it, it gets ripped away, and it's already in the past.

I look back, for that brief time where I was naïve enough to believe it was real,

And now I just have to find a way to deal.

The worst part is, there is a piece of me that is still hoping for what I know will never occur,

But I know the kind of girl you want, and no matter what I do, I know I will never be her.

I know I need to move on, but I know that I won't,

Because I think I could have loved you, but I know you just don't.