I don't know how to trust anymore

I want to trust you, God, I fucking do.

But every part of me is waiting for the knife.

You say you won’t hurt me, and I want to believe you.

But I’ve heard those words before, and they lied.

I gave someone my heart without a second thought.

They taught me that trust is just another way to bleed.

So now I ruin good things before they can ruin me,

I push you away while begging you to stay.

I read betrayal into every silence,

I turn your kindness into something I should fear.

I need you so badly it makes me hate myself.

Because I remember what it felt like to finally let go,

to put my whole heart in somebody else’s hands.

And I remember how easily they dropped it,

how they watched me break and still walked away.

Now I want to love you without looking for the exit.

But I’m terrified you’ll prove me right.