time

after all of that
crying
confusion
analysing
hope dying
after every single
sob

there was a man
with stars on the roof of his car
a cat, a grandfather's hat
a monopoly challenge 

a first call in which
we tried to play minecraft
and failed to realise it wouldn't work
so instead we just talked
about pointy houses and flat flats
intellectual, sophisticated
after so long spent with breath bated

and then, the first meeting
the cheeks heating
can i kiss you?
the head turned timidly away
we still kissed anyway

the expansion of what i already loved
the games
the shows
the music
something i never liked before you
and how often i now use it

when a tentative kiss request
turned into slow dancing
and financing
the mention of a mortgage and 
the extremely casual line
we could have a look...

we were not perfect
your lips still stained with the pain
of what came before
my hands still scratched from 
the anxious thoughts
there was residue here
that neither of us quite knew
how to clean ourselves
but it turns out, you
were magnificent help

a flat tyre
became extended i spy 
a late shift
became car park chips
and singing happy birthday
to stewie griffin
there are so many silly things
you consistently get me lost in
and i love it
how i love it

and everything was new
everything was different
it was never really unfamiliar
it always felt like it was one day 
going to be here
and what an incredibly cliche
thing to say
but i stand by it

the unpacking of my childhood bedroom
the search for the ancient, dusty cardboard crates
that would hold the entire contents of my life
the misplacement of your vape
and the grape-flavoured two minute silence
that followed
my darling
for a heart once hollowed
it now feels unbelievably full

and the first time you spoke
you challenged me 
to a game of monopoly
now step back and see
we are buying a home

isn't it strange
how time has flown?
how we have grown?

my darling
i am sure there is so much
we are still
yet to know
but with you, i am ready
to find out

with you, i do not need to shout
there is no doubt
nothing to worry about
when i am wrung-out
i fold into your arms
and find calm

my love, you
have made me calm.

13/09/26 - 17:18pm - bed