When

Since when have I been

                pushing my feelings down,

             drowning out everything?

Since when have I been

   overflown by anger

          and hate?

  When did I start wishing

                     for something other than life?

    for a way out?         

   When did I normalize      

                          asking myself to pick up a knife?

       asking myself to cut?

  Since when                     

                                      are the first and last thought of the day,

   me, asking myself

                 to cut my own throat

and

just

die?