Boys Don't Cry, Boys Don't Bleed

For months upon months

I struggled hence:

To a fantasy I clung intense

I was plagued by shame

By fear, by noise

And by the sense that

This isn’t natural for boys

With anguish deeply raw and tense

I had a “Boys don’t cry” type sentiment

I didn’t love and accept my desire

While burned inside an unholy fire

The tender places of my heart

Crushed, erased, and torn apart

But after months of self-confliction

I realized the truth it was not an affliction

For my wounds run deep

And from loneliness sprung

The deepest need to be held by one

My mind imagined a woman’s embrace

Her holy efforts to make me feel safe

So finally I’ve embraced the truth

That it’s not wrong to want to be soothed

So here I am alone, unhealed

But at least now I have permission to feel

And I’ll move on step by step

Waiting for the day when I can connect

To someone who can touch my heart

My problems aren’t solved but it’s a start

I’ll keep my habits slow and steady

Prepare myself so I’ll be ready

And listen to the fatherly voice of Christ

Let him care for His son’s trembling cries