Night Terrors

I had this dream

You know the one

Lots of screams

Then I awoke

To find her beside me

Not a care

I phoned the dream helpline

To get updated to a nightmare

They didn’t seem to care

She turned to me with a smile

Would you like to half sex

Go the extra mile

I said, don’t you mean, have sex

No as she pushed away the cover

To reveal no lower half

Down there is infinity

Hot sex, like fire up the chimney

Jesus, Mummy and Daddy, Tom Dick and Harry

No I replied, I’ve already been to hell and back

Why are you still not dead

I had a resurrection clause in my will

Hence the lower thrill

Now we can be a one and a half couple

Oh god, back onto the dream helpline

Is there anything above nightmares

Yes, sir, they are night terrors

That’s it, I'm having a night terror

How do I get rid of her?

You have to half sex with her

How the hell can you have sex with someone with no lower half

We call it infinity sex; you have to give it a try to make her die

Okay, love, let's half sex

He went to infinity and back

It felt like an exorcism in the sack

Finally, he had killed the bitch

She was gone forever, like an irritating itch

He woke with a jolt

God he thought, what a mare

Even in death she was everywhere

He had a wry smile as he jumped out of bed

For once he didn’t have a care

Though that all changed, when he noticed

His bottom half wasn’t there.