Addicted to escape

My mind tears itself apart, relentless and cruel.

I feel like I’m losing my fucking mind.

Thoughts crawl through places they shouldn’t reach.

I want to act, to surrender, to stop feeling anything.

I reach for the smoke, let darkness fill my lungs.

I breathe it in like I have nothing left to lose.

I beg the haze to bury what’s screaming inside.

Just let me be numb enough to forget myself.

I reach for the drink, feel the burn crawl down my throat.

I want to wash away everything I cannot bear.

I let it swallow the parts of me that are hurting.

I chase a happiness I can only seem to borrow.

Under the influence, the chaos finally goes quiet.

For a little while, I feel safe inside my own skin.

I know the consequences; I know what this is doing to me.

But I’d rather destroy myself slowly than face the storm sober