Old duh crept pet age caught up...

with gnarled fingers,
and long razor sharp nails
like a dark shadow
from the edge of night
along the outer limits
of the twilight zone,
and grabbed me
by the nape
of my scrawny neck
while I emulated an ostrich
with head in the sand
wanting to escape
the prognosticators dire warnings
about the threatening
and looming apocalypse
while Alexa shuffled Van Halen

tea sing me to flirt
hot for teacher
and jump with the devil

all of a sudden,
I stumbled, fumbled
and nearly crumbled
in the dark onto
the thinly carpeted cement floor

inside apartment unit b44,
and nearly cracked my skull

but imagine atrophied arms
as cross bones
breaking fast reflexes
the emergency thwarted,

I know that haint
no off phish hull way
to experience expedition
back to salvation of easy chair
finding and groping
creating a racket
which woke up the missus,
she immediately grabbed
a large blunt object
intent to whack me

atop the noggin

before realizing yours truly

her dearly beloved
emotional support animal
with knocking knees
within the pitch black
floundering within the cyber sea

as one among 10,000 maniacs
within the human league

hook, line, and sinker,

I grapple with existential nihilism

Fortunately donning adult diapers,
being incontinent kept me from getting wet
though an rectal accident happened
when pooping in my pants,
especially after an epileptic seizure,
I felt like a nervous wreck

in worse shape
than the Edmund Fitzgerald
crew zing at one
tentative baby step after another
krichening along the
boulevard of broken dreams
lucky this time around
an old centenarian clunker
(on par with
one of the worst-made
and most infamous automobiles
in history the 1971 Chevrolet Vega
where Dirty Vegas
played on the cd player)
and thankful
not to join the grateful dead
faith no more
reliable than
long since shattered
into a million little pieces

fragile as Humpty Dumpty,

and seriously contemplating
purchasing pink electric shoes

in tandem with
global positioning satellite

clambering on all fours

nevertheless gobsmacked

when illumination from
the dark side of the moon
or methinks (then quickly dismisses
the notion of UFOs
(Unidentified Flying Objects)
now officially called UAPs
(Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena)
by the U.S. government and military,
but though nearly blinded by the light

revved up like a deuce,
another runner in the night
initial hunch regarding extraterrestrials,
(who gesticulated they
merely wanted to phone home)
validated close encounters of the third kind
willingly abducted me with a whoosh,
where sightlessness superfluous

since aliens heavily relied
on echolocation and tactile contact.