A Piece of My Life

Mom and dad I love you

But we made mistakes

But mine were aftershocks

Compared to your earthquakes

You never raised a hand

But you raised your opinions loud

Do you see how I turned out?

I hope to God I make you proud

Please don’t think I hate you

Cause I only hate myself

No need for my opinions

So I’ll leave them on the shelf

I’ll always care and love you

There’s just something in my head

I’d hate to take it out on you

So I hurt myself instead

Talk about me like you always do

Like I am never there

I’ll always know your true side

That led to my despair

If you know my history

Then why do you go on

If this makes you feel better

Would you care if I were gone?

I’m one breath away from suicide

And then you give me this

If all I am to you is insane

I guess I’m one no one will miss

Ran away from home

If home’s truly where I would stay

Lost deep in a raging hell

It’s no wonder I never pray

What have I done so bad?

To deserve this pain

Am I truly this depressed?

Or am I insane?

Downing the pills, gives me chills

As does the stuff I drank

Sinking fast in a lonely past

Only myself to thank

I could have asked for help

But there is no longer an “us”

Getting tired, eyes are heavy

In a ditch my body lays thus

I myself can be concerned

I myself can feel strange

In hospitals I have learned

But I can never really change

My life is just a game

And it’s only getting shorter

I just hit half time

When it should be the first quarter

I got out for the 5^th time

Hospitals are getting old

Pills can fake a smile

But still my heart remains cold

Sent across the country

To a level 14 lockdown facility

This time I truly wanted help

I worked the best to my ability

I always feel like dying

But I don’t want to be consumed

These feelings get the best of me

If I don’t get help I am doomed

Told I would be there for 3 months

8 months pass

I still feel like I am looked right through

Like a broken piece of glass

Stepped down to a group home

Life there was a bitch

People say they got your back

But personalities switch

Girls there know how to say

“I love you” and “Goodbye”

I’m better off alone

Better off getting high

Please don’t get me wrong

I didn’t smoke bud just to rebel

Mostly to relax my nerves

And escape my living hell

Bl@zing Ku$h every day

Numbed my pain and sorrow

But there was that struggle deep inside

That felt like no tomorrow

Stealing, smoking, sneaking out

All just made no sense

It was fun for a while

Until things got too intense

My reality was slipping

Voices never leave

Homies do you got my back?

Homies can deceive

Long story short

Hospital again but I got out

I can do this on my own

This I have no doubt

My parents say they’ve changed

I say that I have too

What they said was real

I wish what I said was true

The Ku$h is in my past

But it still calls my name

A few grams go fast

But its all just the same

I truly am trying

That much I can say

I am playing this all out

Taking it all day by day

I still get depressed

But it’s something I have to handle

When things are dark

Now I have a candle

I think that i can finally say

I love being alive

It shocks me to say that

I never thought i would survive

My parents are supportive

Saying I love them feels strange

I guess it’s an example

That things can really change