Me

Lots of thoughts

I shouldn’t B thinking

Sinking

In the things I’m drinking

Sighs and cries

Tears I’m stroking

Choking

On the things I’m smoking

Stuck in muck

Of Ku$h n H@ze

Done with it all

But it all still stays

A rip in my brain

From Mary Jane

How many more cells can I contain?!

Voices ad noises

Live in my head

Won’t shut up

Till my wrists are red!

Like the ticx and tockx

On melting clockx

Laughing at me

Like a jack in the box!

I fell in hell

And I’m in deep

My eyes are closed

But I can’t sleep

Counting sheep’s

Like counting starz

I keep at it

Till I find Marz

An unseen teen

Between two lives

Counting shooting starz

Till hope arrives

Ugh. . .

Bud in my blood

Art in my heart

2 sides 2 my story

Am I stupid or smart?

I’m crying and dying

Inside I’m a wreck

I hope no one sees

These rope burns on my neck

Slits and splits

In my arms and my wrists

Blood murky like mud

Flowing down to my fists

I fly when I’m high

But drown when I’m down

I’m an invisible ghost

In a visible town

Everything’s cloudy

Nothing is clear

On dusty roads

Which way do I steer?

What is right?

What is real?

How do I know?

What I truly feel

Mad and sad

A bad combination

Most likely to commit suicide

Is my nomination

How do u mend or defend?

A heart already broken

I’m close to ending

A story unspoken

Grief as a thief

Sins on my shoulder

Hot on the outside

But inside I’m colder

Now that I’m older

The world is askew!

My home is a memory

Once green and blue

Now it is sick

Now it is ill

More and more

Blood and oil to spill!!

Looking in the mirror

But I don’t know who at

Harder to see

When his face is too flat

Show me a God!

Show me a sign!

Let the clouds open!

Permit me to shine!!!

 Show me the way

If there truly is one

Guide me beside me

Before I am done

Ugh. . .

This game became

Sleepless nightmare

I try my best

But I’m not quite there

Abused and misused

Life’s a trip

On the floor of life

I tend to slip

Actions n distractions

Lead to my confusion

Dreaming awake

In my delusion!!!

My hair is there

To hide my face

So no one will know

When I will space

Erase my mind

And all my views

I’m tired of walking

In heavy shoes

I choose to refuse

The meds and pills

All they do is give me chills

Still without them

I am lost

My heart freezes

And won’t defrost

Decisions, decisions

What do I do?!!

Depressed and stressed

I need a clue

Raining tears

On marijuana roads

Holding in

Till all explodes

Wet with sweat

From running away

Feeling trapped

Every single day

Facing n embracing

Whatever I can

Winging whatever

Without a plan

Explain my pain

Does anyone feel?

The same way I do

Or know what’s real

Drowning quick

In ash n C@$H

Strugglin to swim

Out of my stash

This is life

Life is this

You can be wise n rise

Or fall into its abyss