Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty did not have a great fall

He humped and dumped the kings precious wife

So in return he took poor Humptys’ life

Who ever said that humpty was an egg

He was an enemy of the kingdom that lost a leg

He knew something about the crooked crowned king

He knew he cheated on his queen with a fling

Humpty spotted the king at an awesome spring break

The king was all over two guys by the lake

What he saw next was not good nor was it bad

Snitching on the queen to the king made him glad

The queen was vulnerable and confused from the news

So they went to the royal kings’ bed with some royal booze

 He did things to the queen she had not done in years

By the time they were done she was drenching in tears

After that night they had fallen in love

But in those silly days they did not have the glove

As the months passed by her belly got big

But the king only thought that his wife was a pig

After nine months she conceived a beautiful child

The king had not touched her in years so he went totally wild

He ordered her head to be off by the next day

Then swore vengeance to the man who knew he was gay

Being the king and all he had unlimited power

So he found poor humpty within the dark hour

He looked him straight in his eyes and could not let this pass

So he broke both his legs and put a cap in his ass

He bent down to his side and said, “You know what happens to snitches?

They get sent to prison and are made into bitches

But I’ll do to you more worse than you did to me

Why I’ll take the thing away that allows you to pee

For that is the one thing that gave me a boy

I could not do so alone, my dick’s a broken toy

You did me dirty Humpty, so I will never forgive

So you now understand I can’t allow you to live”

So he loaded his gun and he put one in his head

Now poor humpty was lay rest at his bed

The king thought of a story and he thought of it fast

A nursery rhyme that was forever made to last

The boy found out the truth at a very young age

So he ran away from his home with a furious rage

He plotted his plan for years and grew older

The day he turned twenty his father got colder

The king knew that soon he would receive some attacks

So he doubled his troops by selling weed sacs

But his son knew of his fathers foolish scams

All his soldiers were high when he poisoned there clams

No one was left to guard the poor king, he was all alone

Soon he would be bumped off of his beloved throne

The son snuck in through the sewer pipes lickety split

But the king smelled something that smelled just like shit

He spun around quick but there were no gaurds

His son struck him swiftly cutting off his nards

He said, “Look at me now dad, you see what you’ve done?

I made all the moves when you were busy with fun”

The foolish kings’ blood was splattered all over the walls

But he was too busy hanging on to the rest of his balls

“I bet that right now you have more than an itch

You murdered my parents you son of a bitch!”

So with a stroke of his blade he finished the deed

Then he found the royal closet that was full of blue weed

He rolled up a fatty and smoked one to his true dad

He smoked one to his mother and began to feel sad

Maybe it was the weed, maybe it was the whole night

Just when all looked gloomy he saw a great light

His father spoke to him, his mother too

At first they were wondering why he smelled like poo

“My name is Humpty and you are my son

You’ve avenged my death and done so without gun”

“I love you my boy” said his beautiful mother

“Before I was killed I gave birth to another

Your sister was sent off to a kingdom far away

She was locked up in prison for the rest of her days

It is your duty my son to rescue your twin

Now that you know you may now begin”

The son of Humpty set off once more

The son of poor Humpty then prepared for war