I’m so sick of lying

So sick of trying

To be someone else

A complete stranger

Staying out of danger

By putting on a mask

Of happiness and content

Hiding all that I resent

Underneath laughs

And a flurry of smiles

With joyful guiles

Forever wanting change

Yet forever staying the same

Everyone’s calling my name

But that’s all they know;

Not my thoughts or desires

Not what my heart requires

Never knowing what I’m feeling

I know I’ll never be pleased

Happiness will never be seized

By pretending I already have it

Pretending forever and always

Wandering desolate hallways

Not knowing what to look for

Not knowing what I want

These memories will always haunt

Reminding me that I want more

Than a simple routine of grief

Devoid of simple relief

But I will always stay silent

For I never know what to say

And my tears will never convey

My discontent and worry

So perhaps I’ll need to come to be

The girl they think is me

The girl they’ve come to know

I’m so sick of lying

And I’m so sick of trying

To be someone else

But when it’s all you possess

A name replaces happiness



  • Anna

    This... I feel this sometimes.
    It really is sad, and brilliantly done.

    • Emi

      Thanks. 🙂 And hopefully you don't feel this often...

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