What Events Are Made Worse By Whiskey, Really?

A wedding is made fun for all if the best man is drunk
Telling bawdy tales of the groom, of how far he had sunk
While slurring through his premature lewd speech, only then just realising …
The silly sod had only gone and forgotten…….. the bloody wedding ring

A child’s birthday is best of all, for the devils drink
Or what sane adult could last the party without the help of a shrink
See, the drunkard is as happy as Larry, they shall never frown
And in one uncoordinated punch, can take out the cake along with clown

The big talk, one’s father must disturbingly tell, giving you the spooks
Yet a touch of wine can make this day, one just for the books
Depicting stories of the mother (with pictures and description in tow)
All fun n’ games till’ said child grows and is finally placed on death row

Whiskey sure as hell can put the fun in funeral, (only an acquaintance’s at that)
By mocking the defunct ones family’s tears and pissing in one’s hat
But the main reason for attending overly intoxicated to this affair
Is to build up the confidence to waltz one last time with the departed for a dare

Family functions… maybe most in dire need of at the very least moonshine
A few missing members of us would, at the very least do fine
So save it grandma… I’m not in the mood for your shite
“What on earth is a gas leak?” as I offer grandad a light