Home

It’s enough to say that I’m sad

Because my sadness is a broken record playing the same broken voice calling for the same broken acts of violence against myself

So I reach for my forearms and cut like I’m walking the train tracks

cuts as long as the Nile river

happiness as tall as pyramids

It feels like someone punched me in the heart and it turned to thanksgiving day

Thanksgiving has always been a rough time in my household

my mother always is left with nothing but a broken heart and me

It’s just me this year sitting in my broken home

broken like the window that broke when you threw the brick

broken like my heart when she told me she didn’t love me anymore

broken like the broken voice in my broken record

broken like my mother’s thankless self

broken like this home

Home is where the pain is

it makes me uncomfortable to sit on this couch because I know the sin committed there

is there one place that you left alone

is there anything you haven't stole

is there anything that hasn't been said already

is there anywhere or any girl that you haven't fucked

I think of you when I think of Christmas

I think of the presents I never gave you

I think of the meals we never shared

I think of these flashing lights and your glowing eyes

I think of all the ways you gave me hope

I have never felt hope like this before

I may be sad but at least I’m not dead

death brings nothing but inconvenience to others

and besides it’s too easy to die

your porcelain lips still haunt my head

because with you I felt powerless

With you I felt like a disgrace

with you I felt amorous

This was pure reverie when you slipped into my dreams

Home is where my heart is carved on my sleeve

I wear it with pride and I let them know how I really feel

that gets me into trouble

It gets me into trouble when you tempt me with your Ophelia lips

you run for the river

And shake your hips

isn’t it just monstrous that my home is still you