Fed up

I am just tired

I feel like a teenager

trapped in a kids body

I push to show her my true face

but it never comes out

she never believes me

cause I make sure she hears lies

I wish to never wake up the true

its best it stays dormant

I am exhausted of it all

it's like she see no love or trust in me

like I am no more hers

my lies dictated my relationship

that now the truth is submissive

I wish to tell her all my lies were just shams

but

I feel it is too late

I think I lost her everything

her trust, honor and love

how I pray to find  it all

how I pray to receive a second chance

but its like I have lost more than a hundred

and it hurts me so

it slices my heart like a dagger

yet

I do nothing about it

I want to start a new

and make her smile

make her see my accomplishments

and make her see the pride she always wanted

but I can never succeed

I always tell myself that change will come

and that I will have a new genesis

and that life will finally come swimmingly

but it never comes

I am so fed up

not with her

or anyone

or anything

I am just fed up with myself