Longing through the days of night
The shadows I fear as the wind blows,
Shivering as I creep, with gasps that only continue to get tight
Visibility I tend to loose, as the room is filled with snow.
Cautiously I take steps towards the door
As I realize, I am stiff as a creek,
Not a place in sight, suddenly I drop to the floor,
Tremendously, I lack of hurt as my body slowly weeps.
Cracks I hear as I move towards the phone
Afraid to turn around to see who’s there,
Only wanting to be strong, to seek my way home
In a lonely dark place, as there are no lights, cause no one seems to care.
Crying out for help, as no tears tries to fall
Being challenged by the Lord himself, as he see that I am in the wrong place,
Head held high, as I paste slowly on the straight line standing tall
Place in a category, which I change and challenge myself towards a career, without a HUMAN race.
My words and my thoughts are not as wise as they may seem
By the government, is what I learn and has the knowledge to get me further,
Manipulated, only by the doubts of doing what you speculate to be a dream
Stupidity handed down, only because I am not the biological endorser.
The fault of our hearts, by trying to do what is right
Sometimes doing the right thing, is not always doing the right thing,
Taking away with the storm, only because of the disinvite
Anticipating towards right and wrong, skeptical to voice my opinion, my finger that holds a ring.
Invisible steeping through the days of night
Conquering my fears, now that I have gotten stronger,
Finally I disappeared in the snow, no need to cause a fight
Because my God has now showed to me, I was always a loner.
-
Author:
zabrinahurst (
Offline) - Published: April 6th, 2016 10:46
- Comment from author about the poem: Just a little glance of what I have experience and going through now. Just trying to decide what the future may hold as life is not promised.
- Category: Reflection
- Views: 35
Offline)
Comments2
I am just getting started, please tell me how it sounds.
It has a good flow, speaks from the heart (and if not, you're much better than you let on), it has a sort of disrupted rhyme scheme... all in all, it's pretty good. I like it. Are the notes of chaos created by slight grammatical errors intentional? It won't really change the poem for me, but it makes a slight difference...
Thanks for the input, i really do appreciate it. Grammatical, no, not intentionally.
HI ZABRINA - Welcome to My Poetic Side - nice site - awesome poems - nice poeple. Great first poem it is good that you invite comment - that's the only way we improve - by getting comments. I like REIVAX'S comment it is objective and helpful ! Your poem is written in rhyming quatrains (with an abab cdcd etc rhyming pattern ) and this give it flow. The metre is disjointed but this adds uncertainty which is the topic ! I like your use of HALF RHYME - Creek & Weeps (2) Phone & Home (3) Further & Endorser (5) Stronger & Loner (7). The shorter verses scan better (1 2 3 & 7) - OK - Hope that helps - please check my poems - BRIAN
Good morning, nice to meet you. Thanks for the input, that means a whole lot to me. I am just getting started, the critique for me was a must. I will take the comments notated and will strive better on the next poem to submit. I will check it out.
Thanks for the advice.
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