It is normal for me to think of suicide
I think of death as a comfort
At first it was just a fleeting thought
But as I grew older it became a daily occurrence
Of course I tried
But it didn't work
I do anything to escape the reality that makes me feel so claustrophobic
I hate looking at pictures of me as a young child
Always smiling
A gleam in my eye
I try to go back and remember where it all went wrong
I can remember the first time I brought a blade to my skin
I was 11 years old
I am only 15
Yet, I look at life as a cage
I think that life isn't made for everyone
I wish I could go back
And pinpoint my first panic attack
Or the first time I realized that I hate myself
But when I look back often my memories blurr
They blurr to mascara stained cheeks
And blood stained wrists and thighs
Screaming I want to die
Going to therapists and school social workers
I don't call it substance abuse
Because how can something that makes me feel so good
Be portrayed as so bad
I know what abuse is
And this is not it
Abuse doesn't make you forget the pain
My mother once asked me
How I will feel about my scars when I'm 25
And I replied only with
"I won't be here to feel anything"
I cannot escape this life
It's hard to think about the future
When my guidance councilor asks me what I want to be when I get older
A voice in the back of my head whispers "dead"
But I just smile, and say I'm not sure yet.
-
Author:
~xx (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: April 10th, 2016 15:07
- Comment from author about the poem: Unfortunately, today is another bad day..I'm sorry maybe soon I'll feel better and write something more positive..This is just where my head's at right now.
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 24
- Users favorite of this poem: mia
Offline)
Comments2
wow, this has just realised the words i couldnt write. its really good and i hope you do feel better soon
Thank you so much
it's good well done, sorry to see you aren't feeling too good, stay strong xx
Thank you, and I'm trying 🙂
it's going to be ok, hold on xx
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