On Guard

No mother it’s not a phase.

Sadness is not some part of life you experience for a short period of time, once in your life.

It’s a human emotion.

You didn’t give birth to a corpse.

I cried when the world force air in my lungs.

You heard my voice ring out as the remnants of your pain faded and mime began.

From the moment I stepped foot outside the safety of the four walls you built to keep me safe.

I was exposed.

Exposed to what it means to be human.

To what I mean to feel something.

And then it was gone

I didn’t give it away, it was taken from me.

Numbness circulated through my veins and the world was still.

On guard mama.

It was like it no longer forced the air into my lungs, like it did the first time it laid eyes on me defenseless.

It left me defenseless, force of a different kind pushed me to keep breathing.

It was my own.

On guard mama.

The world no longer stood behind me, forcing me to breathe, forcing me to live.

It abandoned me, left me to figure it out on my own.

It left me with you.

Thinking I could survive with your instruction.

On guard mama.

But you moved to the other corner of the ring.

Sitting safely outside of the kill zone.

Watching my struggle for humanity.

Isolated.

With no one in my corner but my thoughts.

Personified into demons your nightmares couldn’t imagine.

With a painful intake of breath I was back on my feet.

Standing, on guard mama.

On guard.

Where were you know?

Spectating the championship fight, cheering for another that didn’t share your blood.

Forcing the air back into my lungs I cried again, just like I did on that day, when you promised to stay in my corner.

On guard mama.