Amber Hawken

When I met him he was lovely at first,

As time went on his temper grew worse,

I was a woman independent and strong,

he broke me down and it did'nt take long,

If he told me 'jump!' , i'd ask him 'how high?',

because if i did'nt he'd blacken my eye,

If I knew then what I know today,

I would'nt have stopped, carried on my way,

I'm sure you have met women like me,

that pray every day they can be free,

from men who take but never give,

that possess us and won't let us live,

who think they're above us,

so to us they preach,

when they're nothing but a 'blood sucking leech',

they drain us,use us and bleed us dry,

Until we're so empty we can't even cry,

now i'm at the point in my life,

where i'm a mother,that bastard's wife,

due to the drugs and the violence they see,

the judge orders the kids to be taken from me,

the house is so quiet at night,

that even my shadow gives me a fright,

now there's no baby crying under my roof,

damn how I miss that- ain't that the truth?,

I must leave an inch between each towel,

so they look perfect on the bathroom rail,

the bath must be drawn temperature just right,

for these are my duties to do every night,

every sock,every tie has its own place,

every tie pin and cuff link in its own case,

mirrors polished within an inch of their life,

these things he expects from his 'trouble and strife',

'only speak when you're spoken to and do as I say',

that's what I'm told each and every day,

when his hand comes up to my face,

my heart starts to beat and my mind starts to race,

will it be the loving touch that I need?,

or the strike of his hand that make my nose bleed?,

How many more beats will I have to take?,

How many more smiles will I have to fake?,

beaten to the point that I'm black and blue,

I'm treated worse than shit on his shoe,

its like every clock in the world is ticking,

until the moment that I get my kicking,

like the countdown on new years eve,

it gets closer as he rolls back his sleeve,

frantically thinking what have I done?,

the truth is now he does it for fun,

luckily the phone rings and I'm saved by the bell,

but from the glare in his eyes I can just tell,

not to dare answer the phone,

let them leave a message after the tone,

as the first blow lands on my right eye,

I pray to be taken by angels up high,

feet cut to shreds walking on eggshells all day,

everything must be right which of course is his way,

you see I was the one,the match he had met,

female equal of him so I posed a threat,

intimidated by this beauty who had a brain,

got all the attention which drove him insane,

but it wasn't me, it was to do with him,

the ongoing battle with his demons within,

the pain and anger buried deep inside,

the low self esteem he tried so hard to hide,

so I became a 'plain Jane' and 'dumbed' myself down,

never even dressed up when we went into town,

answered friends questions so I didn't have to think,

for he would decide what I ate had to drink,

the minute we'd arrive I'd want to go home,

but through gritted teeth he'd say 'DON'T FUCKING MOAN',

when the meal was over we'd all say 'goodbye',

it was'nt long now 'till I'd be home and dry,

as I dragged him home I'd be branded a 'flirt',

he had no idea how much this really hurt,

so I'd tune out and start to think,

how many people had accidents after having a drink,

what if he was to trip,stumble and fall?,

and fatally hit his head on a wall?,

but if anyone guessed he was pushed by me,

I'm behind bars at the pleasure of her majesty,

what would be said to my son and daughter?,

'mummy killed daddy,got 12 years for manslaughter',

all of these years I had stood by his side,

then one day in me he finally did confide,

'as kids we're told monsters only hide in one place',

he said as the tears rolled down his face,

'but my monster didn't hide under my bed',

'he use to tip-toe and creep in my bed instead',

for him his monster lived with him in his home,

never was safe as freely the monster would roam,

'I told my mum, I tried and I tried',

'but I would get smacked and ask why I lied?,

he ran out the room it was always the same way,

if talk got to deep he would just run away,

now here comes the abuse ,words so damn vile,

while all the time on his face there was a smile,

cowering beneath him he shouted 'YOU WHORE',

now I'm at the point I couldn't take anymore,





out my hair he pulled pieces and ripped my clothes apart,

but he knew this was wrong deep in his heart,

as I watched his anger building up inside,

as he lashed out i begged and I cried,

pleaded and pleaded with him to stop,

as I fell to the floor on the door was a knock,

lifeless and numb on the floor I lay,

again I prayed to the angels to take me that day,

the policeman told his colleague 'cover your eyes',

and remarked its a miracle that I'm alive,

cuffed and led away he's told to be silent,

paramedics say never seen a beating so violent,

as the day of the trial finally arrives,

I couldn't stop crying no matter how hard I tried,

in the court room he sneers at me through the safety glass,

I doubt through this day i'll be able to last,

asked to recall the day that my jaw got broke,

apparently i'm too blame as I 'provoke',

as the photo is passed around the jury,

I can hear gasps of shock and see looks of fury,

the cross examination brings me to my knees,

as I'm asked to re-live painful memories,

'YOU WOUND HIM UP' his barrister says to me,


his words cut like glass and it was too much to take,

recognising this the judge calls for a break,

as the judge walks back in everyone is on their feet,

then told to sit down as she reclaims her seat,

'I hear 'NOT GUILTY' you've decided to plead',

'very well then, we shall proceed',

'the 12 men and women on jury duty,                                                                                                  'unanimously found that you are 'GUILTY',

'As the judge in this case,I have some things to say',

'I tell you now you're getting locked away',

'today I give this woman back her voice',

'after hearing the evidence I have no choice',

'than to impose a sentence of life',

'for what this woman suffered being your wife',

the judge had given me the greatest gift,

I felt a huge weight from my shoulders lift,

so now you have met a woman like me,

I hope I have shown you we all can be free,

from the men who take and never give,

this is no life and no way to live,

don't let them use you or drain you dry, 

come on girl you can do it if you really try,

lets hope there's a day where all women will see,

no-one deserves a life of misery,

so muster the strength and take control back,

work towards getting your life back on track,

please women speak out to give hope to others,

the aunties, the nieces, the sisters and mothers,

you're tougher than you think,

you've survived this long,

remember what doesn't kill you,



































  • Author: Amber Rahman (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: May 16th, 2016 16:54
  • Category: Reflection
  • Views: 666
  • Users favorite of this poem: Amber Hawken
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Comments +



    WELCOME AMBER - A beautifully written poem (I love rhyming couplets) but such a tragic content. I know there are lot of battered and bruised wifes and some are even driven to suicide (or murder) as the only way out. However I can assure you not all Men are like that - My DAD is a Saint and should I ever be a husband - I would try to be like him ! Thanks for your poem it warns us how NOT to behave towards Ladies. BRIAN

  • havelockthedane

    I felt completely drawn into this poem, the writing is immediate and powerful. Though it's not a situation I've been in myself, there was so much of the writer's voice here that it was impossible to not be immersed in these moments. Thank you for sharing it.

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