Rita Rejected

I feel lonely and unloved
Yet again my heart has taken another beating
That seems to be the only thing my heart is good for.
I crave intimacy
Unfortunately it's in all the wrong places
I want the warmth of him... I miss the touches and the kisses
It's my fault as per usual... So I dare not ask God for help... His probably disappointed in me... Disgusted with me
I'm disgusted with myself... I knew better... I always did
But I was lonely... I am lonely a lonely soul
I wanted to feel wanted
I wanted to believe I was beautiful to someone
I couldn't believe he thought I was beautiful

I feel like I'm always being punished that I don't deserve to be happy... That I don't deserve to be wanted

I knew better so I can't ask God for help

Now I feel more alone than I did in the beginning
I actually have no hope

Just memories of what was never was...

I can't ask for God to heal my heart

Because I know it is my fault

Alone and scared
Tearful and rejected

Rejected
I feel like that should be my middle name
I'm really hurting right now and I can't talk to anybody
I'm too ashamed and I know what the answers will be

Why can't I be happy, do I not deserve it

What is wrong with me that I don't deserved to be loved

I think it's the way I look, honestly
I can't say I'm the prettiest and my body is a mess
When I see myself I feel disgusted
And I can understand why nobody would want me
Not only my body I guess my personality and my lack of confidence which destroys my value and character
People must think I'm pathetic
I feel it too because I lack the ability to articulate myself
Therefore ppl don't respect me
Because I don't respect myself

Looking at my phone wanting and wishing for him to call me
But he doesn't
I'm the last thing on his mind
But his the first thing on mine

But that's ok because i deserve that
I expect nothing less

I deserve nothing more