Russian Roulette

Izzi Lynn

I'm pouring gasoline onto my skin
I'm lighting up a match
Will I drop it?
Will I wear fire tonight?
Am I deranged?
Am I insane?
I don't know the answers

I'm unscrewing the pencil sharpener and removing the blade
I'm staring at the sharp metal in my hand
Will I let it kiss my skin?
Will I let my wrists bleed?
Am I depressed?
Am I possessed?
I don't know my answers

I'm opening my window up
I'm sitting on the windowsill
Will my body tip out?
Will I fly tonight?
Am I suicidal?
Am I done with the world?
I don't know anymore

I'm loading up a gun with scarlet bullets
I'm cocking it and taking the safety off
Will bullets touch me tonight?
Will I play Russian Roulette?
Am I fanatic?
Am I a maniac?
I don't know at all

I'm cursing under my breath
So quietly
I'm hating every inch of my body
So desperately

I'm crying
I'm dying
I'm lying
I'm done

I'm crazy
I'm sick
I'm deranged and possessed

I'm suicidal
I'm fine

The voices chase me
They talk about matches and gasoline and guns and windows and knives
And I don't know what to do anymore

They convinced me to play with them
"Just find a gun and load it! It'll be fun, you'll see!"
They cried

They convinced me to play with them
"Just buy some gasoline and douse your skin! It'll be fun, you'll see!"
They screamed

They convinced me to play with them
"Just find a pencil sharpener and unscrew the blade! It'll be fun, you'll see!"
They pleaded

They convinced me to play with them
"Just open the window and sit on the edge! It'll be fun, you'll see!"
They explained

At first I didn't want to play
But addictions start slow and gain on you fast
And mine is Russian Roulette
Russian Roulette, they best game to play
Life is luck and luck is life
Every night I load my life into a bullet chamber
And I spin it and I 


  • Author: Izzi Lynn (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: June 3rd, 2016 00:07
  • Comment from author about the poem: This is about depression and the things you think. It's about taking control of my life by danger. It's about addictions and twisted ideas. It's about being unsure about everything.
  • Category: Gothic
  • Views: 74
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    WOW WOLF - A very powerful and challenging poem. We all tempt fate from time to time and - paradoxically - playing with fire can be very cathartic. But remember those who play with fire often get burned and some alas get burned to death. Crematorium - Moratorium. Thanks for daring to share - BRIAN

    • Izzi Lynn

      Thanks for commenting. I almost didn't post this poem because it's so edgy, but I really think it's symbolic in a way. I appreciate you reading it.

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