I'll always remember the day I met you
Clouds filled the sky but in my mind
citrus gold splashed into our eyes
The first glance - the awkward pause
I woudn't change it for the world
Never had I fallen onto such soft ground
An addict, chasing that first hit
The purity, the ecstasy
Now, when I see you around
you smile but I don't recognise you
All I see is past turned present
An end of an era - a splitting of a soul
Fearful of scenes to follow
I hide away
I could take on the world
But you stole my pride and left my heart
without a second thought
With names displayed to the world
Our tree begins to wilt
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Author:
samishere (
Offline) - Published: June 13th, 2016 06:47
- Comment from author about the poem: A tale of a failed relationship. This is my first poem. I understand it's not the best, but that's why I'm here. I want to learn and any constructive comments would be greatly appreciated. I'm still experimenting with this means of expression and I hope to delve deeper. Hope you enjoy it. :)
- Category: Love
- Views: 56
Offline)
Comments1
WELCOME SAMI - For a very elegant first poem. Love the free verse flow and the fragmented stanzas. 5 3 4 5 2 lines which suit the topic fractured love. The structure of a poem should always reflect the subject. Satnzas 1 & 2 celebrate the Joy of unconditioanl love the S 3 "end of an era !" S 4 So so sad ~ stolen pride and empty heart. S 5 I have carved names on a tree and they remain to this day but the tree (like our love) has wilted. I CAN empathise - Thanks for caring BRIAN
Thank you so much Brian, I'm glad you enjoyed it! I hope to keep posting and experimenting with techniques.
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