Too Many Mistakes

PattieKat

I'm not gonna lie
I so want to die
My life is a sham
I hate who I am
But I don't wanna say good-bye.

It's too late to change
My mind is deranged
My life here is through
I'm no good for you
My poor brain is stupid & strange.

I used to be fine
Mostly toed the line
Then I wasn't true
To myself or you
Now for my youth I sorely pine.

Made mistakes galore
I'm down on the floor
My face is in dirt
My body inert
But I'm shaking deep in my core.

I need help to stand
I'm stuck in quicksand
No one tries too hard
To pull up this lard
They don't see my stretched-out hand.

I'm real old and spent
Wonder where life went
I lost all I had
So horribly sad
My Spirit is twisted and bent.

I'm not gonna lie
I do want to die
My life is a sham
I hate who I am
And now I have to say good-bye.

  • Author: PattieKat (Offline Offline)
  • Published: June 21st, 2016 00:45
  • Comment from author about the poem: This is the first poem I have ever written. I have been married to a Norco/Ativan/Pot addict for 30 years. It often gets ugly. I was a good Social Worker until being cut down by a serious injury. Now I am stuck. Have no place to go, I was feeling overwhelmingly suicidal today but wrote this poem instead. I am still sad & disappointed with my life, but my poem helped me to put the brakes on the inappropriate emotion that urged me committ suicide.
  • Category: Sad
  • Views: 74
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Comments +

Comments3

  • Rose

    I think it's brave that you wrote and published your poem. It's very relatable. Just know your voice is heard. If you ever need help calming the urge pick up your pen or phone. Don't live silently in depression. Reach out.

  • lysistrata

    Last week I was having an intense conversation with a friend about the statement
    " All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling".
    I could honestly tell you that what you have written is NOT BAD.

  • JustABird

    Your poem moves me. I think a lot of people feel a only flicker of what you were feeling so strongly when you wrote this. And I hate that so many will probably ignore it only because they don't know how to deal with it. I agree with Rose. It was brave to put such painful emotions into words and shout them out into the universe. I hear you and I'm more than willing to be a listening ear when you need one.



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