purity and screams

Your filthy stained my soul

With your skin under my nails i sobbed

With your taste on my tongue i tried to speak ‘

Memories forever there, pain forever lasting

No shower allowed, many tests

The thought of death was on my brain

One bullet is cheaper than therapy

Cheaper than sharing my story

Bruises. Screams. Cries. Hatred. Virginity taken.

Lust was running through your veins

Disgusting what people will do for lust

Death never seems so touchable

Hatred never seemed so real

I was out of touch with reality

Your name was spoken in silence and  still caused my heart to drop heavy with fear

And  i know everyone is running from someone

But i was caught by you

Wrapped up in webs of fear

Always on my mind, a year since attack

Your voice runs through my thoughts painfully

Your disgust and hatred rubbed off on me

I lost my sanity when i left that wash

My family held me tight as i watched friends walk out

I watched opportunities vanish

You forced everyone out of my life

Because of your selfish choices you made

You forced me into a deep silence

Choking and suffocating in your foolish choices

Hurting and crying i find it hard to sleep

I distract myself with drama to forget my suffering

My name isn’t my name anymore

My body isn’t my body

I don’t belong to myself

I hate my being

I still think of you, cold hearted and blind to see your faults

You are flawed in beautiful and interesting ways

You are disgusting but it interested others

I don’t understand why things ended up here

You are disturbed

You are disgusting

I need to wash your scent off of me

I need to wash your fingerprints off of me

I need to get your skin out from under my nails

I need to get away

To get a new start

To live freely

I need to get away