a mothers addiction, a child's burden

A·dore

I used to find such beauty in you

I used to not know right  from wrong

I used to look up at my mother and smile

But over time you destroyed me

The Drugs you took changed who you were

I fought for attention with heroin and coke

The bruises that never seemed to heal

You left marks on my skin from beating me

You used to have goals what happened?

You once smiled and laughed

But i saw those drugs take over someone i used to know

And now i hate trusting anyone

I depended on you to help me

Help me grow into the person i am.

But you didn’t do anything to build character

How can you call yourself a mother?

You didn’t even watch me grow

You were too busy blowing guys

To notice the tears i fought back in my eyes

You were too busy tripping to realize the pain i was in

The depression i sat in.

I had no hope that would would ever get better

Now i know i was right

You were too sick to take care of a child

You only saw me as an object

So did your brother and his friends

I was never valued in that house

You never wanted anything for me but to be like you

I can never confront you

I can never look into your eyes and tell you how i feel

Because you choose everything over your own blood

You choose drugs

And boys

Over someone who was made up from your lustful childish  mistakes

I have so many mommy issues

Why did you leave me for months at a time?

Why did you hit me all those times

That time you tried to drown me, do you recall that?

I looked into your eyes and i see a broken soul

You choose this life

You picked to stop trying to change

You picked to leave me to be raised by someone you didn’t have to

I caused so much trouble for their lives

All because you couldn’t get your addiction under control!

You never said you loved me not even once!

I never heard anything nice come out of your mouth

I never got a chance to even say goodby to my own mother...