A BLINDING ECSTASY

when I swim through this thick water, 

I see this raw, filtered light peeking up at me, 

it is round and blinding and in my mind, 

I try not to think about it. 

I think of the burning and clawing of my throat, 

from swimming without coming up for air, 

I can do it this time, one more time,

The funny thing about blacking out is the high, 

Like entering an ecstasy with sunglasses, 

or drinking a sugary elixir, 

The feeling is way beyond control, 

It's like my eyes have been dilated

when I swim, 

I swim to the bottom and ly there, still

Not moving a muscle or cell or breathing

staring upwards as my throat closing shut and air becomes thick

Perhaps a real ecstasy would feel better,

maybe it would drain the venom from my smile,

but for now I wait in this balmy winter snow storm,

drinking an elixir,

and counting each and every drop of my infinite insanity X