Chaos

I know by now that I will probably never get over the things that have had control over me since they happened. What I've also come to know is that those things no longer have the control that they once did.

I've learned that life is chaotic. Life is pain. It is laughter, lust, and lingering regrets. Life is tragedy, it is imperfectly perfect, the most beautifully hideous thing we have been given and if I've learned one thing from life it is that it is worth it. It is worth the restless nights and the bloodshot eyes, it is worth all those times you felt alone in a room full of people, it is worth the horrible things you had to overcome. It is worth the relationships which have been lost and the ones you hoped to gain, but didn't. It is worth it because one day you are going to look back and those things won't seem so bad. Sure, they will still hurt and when you are forced to bring up "that one time" the knot in your stomach will creep in and your heart will sting. But you will still be there. You will matter. You will be so lucky to have not gone when you wanted to because you will have missed out on so much. So today when it starts to hurt, or when you don't feel like your enough or when you feel so dead inside that you want to make it more than just a feeling, remember how worth it: it is now and is going to be.

Love life as much as you can. Love yourself even more and when it gets tough try just a little bit harder because all the chaos eventually becomes control and your heart won't feel so tired anymore.