Pain

What is pain?

Why does it hurt?

What is the purpose?

Is it the emotions we feel when something goes wrong? When the depression hits and we feel all alone?

No one to talk to and we hold it inside, is this the main reason why we shed our tears at night?

Tell me what is it really. Is the the backed up emotions that we never really talked about? Or is it everything that we once trusted and now doubt?

I'm trying hard here but I still don't understand. Why would anyone want to go through this terrible pain? Why am I crying as I write this?

Is it the feeling that no one is there? When I thought I had someone to talk to I just erased the message because in reality they don't really care.

What is pain? Is it the calming thoughts I get when I think back to the days when I would cut my wrist until I actually felt numb again?

Is it the way I dreamed of killing myself and taking me out of a world that couldn't hurt me anymore?

Is it the built up emotions that come back but I have no way to set them free with out yelling, screaming or crying?

But they say crying is good right? But if I start I won't be able to stop, and I wouldn't know how.

Am i dreaming right now? Cause I really want to know. I'm drowning in my own thoughts with no where to go. I used to believe in prayer but that doesn't even work anymore..

Every night I'm crying myself to sleep blaming every mistake on things that I should of done. Better yet on things that I could have done, but we can't turn back the hands of time.

I keep thinking if I move and restart my life over I wouldn't feel like this anymore. I did that and every emotion is still there, it's more so like it's gotten worse.

I'm staring into space trying to figure out where I went wrong and why. I'm crying and holding back tears but why?

I'm by myself in this world surrounded by fake support. Trust me that's the worse.

What is pain? The physical toll is takes on your body? The mental way is destroys your brain into making you hate your self and show a smile on the outside to pretend like everything is alright?

Please tell me what is pain because right now it's feeling like depression. Like a never ending hallway and I can't get to the end to leave.

Am I slowly giving up or have I already?

If this is pain I don't want it. I want it to be gone! Never to return ! If this is pain it's just a form ! Because what I'm describing is more depression. More of a set back. More of built up emotions that some how I can't let go no matter how hard I try.

But in the end no matter what you call it, it's all a form of pain.