When I said "No!"

I've got a story to tell
But much like that night
you may not hear me when I scream and yell.
And yet no one below heard me when I fell
But look at me,
smiling like I still have something to sell
But the the truth is I don't and I never did
The truth is, inside, I felt tricked
like a little kid
But it was over now and so they say I'll grow
But how is anyone ever supposed to know
How it felt to have his hands run down my chest
when I fought and pleaded that maybe it was all just a test
That maybe I'd wake up and this would all just be a side affect of much needed rest
But through the hours of the worst night of my life
I felt like life could've have been better
had I chosen a knife instead of a hand when he said his name was Mike
Yes life may have been better if it would have been him that I liked
Life could have been better had he not been so hurt when I said "take a hike"
And That's the scariest part to know
If I would have told someone instead of putting on a show
Getting it off my chest may have finally let me rest
But keeping it inside and letting it die
Felt like an far easier solution than being called a lie
For not knowing what to do
When you lent a hand
to the wrong man because
You wanted to stop what he was going through.
All I wanted to say was "hey, I can lend an ear"
But all I could say was,
where am I,
how do I get home from here?
For every time you muzzled my screams,
I felt the world rip me open at the seams.
For every time you pleaded "that's not me"
I wished someone would look at me and see
That I'm not crazy and the bravado you provide
Is just a cover under which you hide.
And so every time I tried to move on I couldn't
Because you refused to let me forget, I wouldn't
So you had to right?
Where I said no, you said yes
And because we were friends and nobody would guess
And now I sit here wondering what if I would have stayed in?
Would it have stopped my life from caving in?
Now that it's over I ask myself all the places I could go,
If only anyone else would have heard me when I screamed "no!"