PANIC FISH

  I'm worried, I'm panicking, I'm scared

  Even now, I feel like

  I was not meant to exist, not meant to be human

  Too many things have happened for me to think otherwise

   I try to believe something brighter, but deep down

  I know the truth

   I feel like I'm putting on an act, hanging on to something

   That isn't there 

   Making something out of nothing, then failing to do so 

   Everything spoils, rots, and always tastes sorrowfully bitter

   Sometimes I wish I could know, that things

  Will get better and fall into place

  But I'm worried, panicked, scared

  That the parasite of misfortune will stay

  Attached to me forever

  So what's the point then?

   A complicated, patchwork girl like me living 

   Can be seen as a sad joke

     

    Yes, I can try, and I do

   But it seems to be 

  A delusional illusion

  One of a kind, unique and alone

  In the worst way

  So I'm worried, panicked, and scared

  That things will never change

   And always be the same, default setting of "Too bad"

   Tears eager to flow and an abundance of hopelessness

    A knife made of loneliness and mountains of searing guilt

    I can try, try, and try some more

   But how long can an alien keep its mask on in human society

   And how long can a fish live out of water?