Despairingly Curious

This is a difficult moment in my life and that's how I'm going to start. I'm sorry to cut your enthusiasm short but since you picked this poem I guess you have no choice. 

I'm to stop with the rhyming words and rhyming emotions because they help no other but just pass information to the queer little boy with much emotions.  

I digress...; Empathy is such a solemn word, what happens when it holds no fame in said life. Its' a bleak word that fills sentence and makes people crave and cream to be near.

I wish for no wish. I am one without empathy and I like it so. But when my hearts' beloved isn't close, I fear all i see is bleak coloured coal.   

Days have gone by and I can only truly say, the dark manifolds and cardboard background are getting thicker by the day. I can't see through them ; my head hurts once, my heart is racing unevenly to the thoughts of things ago done, things so retched to the bowels beneath hells' lane.  

Is it curiousity? Like I said I have no empathy I can't be curious. Is it research ? I hope it is. I wish it is or else the questions I have left unanswered would rear their unugly heads.  

I still do it you know, and squat latter in the tub my hands forcibly gripping my hair, words pound in my ears I do not listen to them. When I do they make no sense.  

I have a choice you see but all I stop is spontaneously see the logical. I can't stop don't hold your breath. I would stop when the puzzle has lost all its functions; it would be still soon I've gotten bored with every caress, I wish it to be gone.  

I try to bring my beloved near during sections of the rear, but hands that crawl up my spine are  mucuosal spasmic tentacles they don't stop; they're hungry, I'm not. They grab grope and try to consume their own pleasurous lust and I do nothing but lie there.  

I'm in debt I can feel it, sense it even , I want to stop but I have to collect to pay back. Is it right? I do not know. Like I told you I have no empathy.   

Right or wrong have continued to blur, evil and good holds no sword.  I wish the yang existed I can barely see the yin. But I continue to purge so; mentally I can not.   

I'm incapacitated 'cause I've lost my only beloved . Far away She is I can't wait to be; some day so she'd kiss the pains away.