Happy Fear

Happy is a 6 letter word.
It comes and goes
Peaks and Ravines
Smiles not always as it seems

Long to be happy and you force it Away
You belong where you are in this momentary phase
But you seek for the next, the past or the prior
Then embers erupt; a spluttering fire

But 6 little letters
You can't blame the events
All your life choices
You chose the time spent

You chose to befriend him
To party that night
Fast forward you chose not to put up a fight

Can't ignore the parallels occur
Comes about as consensual blur
The prior clear cut more than the latter
But still when a friend feels your words won't matter

But the body and spirit it can't be fooled
The elephant is out it won't leave the room
Meeting others keep them away
No new chance of those fearsome days

Fears multiply and voices speak out
You're single and lonely that's what you're about
People around awesome amazing
I know I am grateful, plus partially crazy

Do I expect bad things?
do I shy away from the good?
With some I look Back and replay all the shoulds

Revulsion at my size how I let myself go
But is this all a shield,
blocks how far I will go?

These words meander and bend
Unsure each line which direction they'll send
Reflect my confusion,
Quick jump at the door
Act unaffected, see it as flaw.

No concise ending or neat little package
It brought it all back,
All with SS that happened

How to move on fully
And say goodbye to fear
Or embrace it
accept that it has its place here

Fuck it. Who knows. Maybe that's that
Maybe I'll develop a liking for cats
Or maybe I'll have a safe relation
Cautious actions mask my frustration

I don't see it happen
the truth at its purest
But times like this I sure would adore it
When you lay alone, afraid of the sounds,
that they're out to get you, irrational it may sound
But you turn to just you and embrace the covers
Perhaps I'm admitting
I do need another.


  • Augustus

    Nice portrait of trying to figure ourselves out, what we are about, what direction to go forward, ambivalent feelings over the past. Thanks.


    WELCOME PRINCESS ~ Thanks for your first epic poem ! Well written replete with rhyme & rhythm which gives it great flow ! I'm 33 and people my age (and older) know what it is (from time to time) to be single and lonely ~ so we can empathise. We look at all our options because we do have to admit WE DO NEED ANOTHER ! Yours BRIAN

  • JustABird

    I feel this poem on a personal level, in the darkest ways. It's both sad and relieving to find another when such subjects tend to go unspoken. I'm sorry but also, thank you.

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