Conundrum

Blessed I am, as always

Now, even more than before

God does not ever ignore me

He has led me to my core

But, of course I still have my dilemmas

The questions that implore my brain

My heart is stained by emotional baggage that has been given to me by the boys I have allowed to enter me

This one I cannot see clearly enough to know what to do

Perhaps, nothing

Just go with the flow completely

I see him living his life so discreetly

I wonder if he could ever even put me  before all of his friends

Or, even his enemies which I can see are abound him

He is one of those guys who look at this world through rose colored spectacles

God, almighty, why am I so caught up with his actions so quickly?

We just met the other day and I already let him have his fucking way with me- literally

I have no regret for any of it, and I have hope that he will at least remain my friend

There is always this invisible yeast infection that lingers over every love affair I have ever had

This time, I refuse to become mad with jealousy

Nor, will I be torn by rage- Mine, or otherwise

Maybe this guy will actually surprise me

Oh yeah, he actually kind of already did

I could see the night that he had by reading his Face Book feed page

He is just past the point of being a kid

I am a wise, experienced sage

I am in the midst of a sort of conundrum that I have not the time to ponder

In the center of a possible Paradise where I should not sit still, nor squander

I do not want to cause anyone ridicule, angst or pain

Never again will I let the rain fall from bloodshot eyes

There really is never a thing in this world that should ever come to me as a surprise...

12/3/2015